PLEASE COME IN YOU'RE WELCOME HERE
MIND THE COBWEBS AND THE BONES
MAY WE INVITE YOU TO SPEND THE NIGHT
MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME

STEP THIS WAY, HERE'S THE LIVING ROOM
THOUGH DEAD ROOM IS MORE CORRECT
'CAUSE THERE HASN'T BEEN A LIVING SOUL HERE
SINCE GRANDPA BROKE HIS NECK

IN OUR HAUNTED HOUSE
WE'LL TREAT YOU LIKE ONE OF US
BUT IN OUR HAUNTED HOUSE
THAT COULD BE HAZARDOUS

BROWSE AROUND THE KITCHEN
HAVE A SPOON, A FORK, A KNIFE
YOU MUST EXCUSE THOSE KETCHUP STAINS
WE ATE SOMEONE LAST NIGHT

HERE IS YOUR BIG BEDROOM DEARS
YOU'LL LOVE THE CREAKY BED
YOU'LL SLEEP JUST FINE BUT WHEN YOU WAKE
YOU STILL MAY FEEL HALF DEAD

IN OUR HAUNTED HOUSE
THE BUTLER IS A GHOST
THE UPSTAIRS MAID'S BEEN BURIED FOR YEARS
AND THE CHAUFFER'S COMATOSE

IN OUR HAUNTED HOUSE
OUR HOSPITALITY
IS SOMETHING OF WHICH WE'RE VERY PROUD
DO YOU TAKE POISON IN YOUR TEA?

DON'T LET THE SPIDERWEBS
MESS UP YOUR HAIR
DON'T MIND THE PIANO PLAYING
WITH NO ONE THERE
THE CRUMBLING BOOKSHELVES
COVERED WITH DUST
ONE OR TWO HEADLESS BODIES
WHATS ALL THE FUSS?
THE DREADFUL POUNDING
THE SCREAMS AND MOANS
IT'S JUST A TYPICAL
NIGHT AT HOME

IN OUR HAUNTED HOUSE
THINGS FLOAT THROUGH THE WALLS
YOU MIGHT SEE SIGHTS THAT CHILL THE SOUL
SO BE SURE TO WEAR A SHAWL

WE'D LOVE YOU TO COME IN
STAY AWHILE AND PLAY
ONCE YOU FINALLY SETTLE IN
YOU'LL NEVER GO AWAY
WE'LL MAKE SURE OF THAT! WA-HA HOO HAA HA HEEE!

IN OUR HAUNTED HOUSE IN OUR HAUNTED HOUSE